Truths they forgot to tell us. . .

I am a young woman, writing in reflection of a relationship that while, some might say should never have been, as helped me re-define my expectations. I am not one often prone to regret, as I believe it is a waste of time and energy; for every situation, there is a lesson worth learning. The first of two kids from a comfortable family, while we are not swimming in cash, my parents do right by us in every way. I am however eternally grateful for making a strong, confident and fiercely Independent woman out of me. I am away from home, in a bid to better myself and my career, it does weigh on a person to be out of your comfort zone. So, when I met Mr W whom I knew from Lagos, it was quite a convenient alliance.

He was supposedly single, seemed like a nice guy with potential, and seemed to want a relationship. As regards religion, he was a bit confused along with many kids from inter-religious marriages, but he seemed swingable to my side, a plus. Soon enough, he literally moved into my place, and I began my career as the 'Ekaette' girlfriend. I washed, cleaned, cooked and did girlfriend duties. Unfortunately, my Mister seemed to have forgotten all his boyfriend duties and it was up to me to pick them up as well. I was investing tremendously into this relationship; physically, emotionally and financially.

Issues:
He was spoilt, spent carelessly and really lazy. I was working to pay the bills, while my dear boyfriend was busy sitting at home watching movies day-in-day-out. He got a very healthy allowance from home that was finished before it even arrived. Ofcourse, he must keep up appearances, everything he owned was branded 'luxury' or at least 'premium-priced'. I was soon having to bail him out financially in the things of true importance, while he splurged on himself. It was quite apparent that priorities were misplaced. Then came the insecurities and paranoia, for every good thing I achieved, he had a dampner. He would also go through my phones, ma BB messages,Facebook, WhatsApp etc and even mailing my chats to himself. He was soon driving us both crazy.

The end of Us:
The last straw was telling me that I was not doing anything that any girl could not do. While I might have been foolish enough to spend 6 months of my life with him, I still was smart enough to refuse to allow my efforts to be so undermined. I was done taking shit, and as far as I am concerned, he was not worthy of my devotion. It is important to note at this point, that I am not trying to paint myself blameless in all these. I have my flaws, and I work at them daily, but, I was faithful and I gave it my best shot. Eventually, I did realise some home truths;

1. Don't give too little of yourself, that you're unremarkable, but never too much of yourself that you're taken for granted. Giving too much of yourself doesn't mean things would work out. It only means you begin to lose yourself and forget your true worth. And if the relationship ends, you are left with nothing but that self you betrayed.

2. If you ignore the people you love and love you back, i.e friends and family, for a relationship, they are the same people you run back to when there is trouble. Its best to keep these relationships well maintained.

3. Potential without ambition is equal to Zilch. . . Nothing. . . Nada. So, when you decide to be with a person who has nothing but potential to offer you, make sure he/she is packing a very healthy dose of ambition and drive to back it up.

4. If you can't live with it, don't even take it in a relationship. If you can't keep it up for the rest of your life, don't start it in a relationship. Expectations are heightened in relationships, only to get a shadow of the bargain in marriage.

5. Don't stay in it longer than you should, infact, better 6months than 1year. Why take a year to end something that could have been ended 6months earlier. Time wasted, to start a process you're still going to go through anyway.

6. Contentment; be happy with what you have at the moment and live within those means, while you strive towards becoming what you want. Our generation is filled with discontent and greed, and there is too much value placed on material things. Material things can't define us, only 'You' can define yourself.

7. If he/she is double checking your every move, they're either not busy enough, or think very little of you. I strongly believe that it is insulting to police someone like that. What do u take me for? I could be anywhere else, but I chose to be with you, so, 'Suck it up!'

8. Don't allow anyone emasculate you. You are good enough to do anything you want to do and no one as a right to tell you otherwise. If they thought so little of you and your abilities, why are they even with you?

9. Enjoy and place great value on your life, time and the people who truly matter. There really is nothing wrong with being single, infact, it can be a very enjoyable state. Do things that make you happy, grow yourself; examine your flaws and try to make yourself a better person, invest in yourself and your future, read, learn and live.


Note: This article is in no way a bid to belittle the beauty of a 'good' relationship, it is only a reminder that a fulfilling singledom is quite achievable. This way, you appreciate that person who actually adds value to your quality of life. After all said and done, I came to the conclusion, that our environment; parents and society have contributed to making us needy and prone to being in relationships just for the sake of it. However, this is already a long spread, and as such, I will save this discussion for later.

The Nollywood Saga: Show of Shame.

I totally understand the need to diversify and have other sources of income, what I can't seem to figure out is the total lack of finesse employed by our supposed Nollywood stars(and I say that with a raised eyebrow). At some very far off point in my life, I thought there were actually some of them, that gave the word star some credibility. These days I wonder if I made that up, or the recession hit most of them so hard it skewed the star in them. Somehow, I wished it was the later, but know it's the former.

I'm so strung, I can't even figure who to start with. . .

Stephanie Okereke gives me a headache. I know she sees herself as the epitome of class and all, and some people fall for it(that part still baffles me). Unfortunately, I can smell that fake accent from a mile away! And fake accents are made even worse, when there's a factor to deal with. However, she's the least of my worries.

Omotola Ekeinde, that's one woman I used to love and respect. Sadly, I no longer know what to make of this her 'Oversized-Beyonce' Campaign. Am I the only who sees that she can't sing, and she's closer to fat than sexy? Her clothes don't make it easier on our sights. Someone needs to break the news to that lady, it's either the gym, or her hubby had better revert to buying her clothes that don't make her look like she can't breathe.

There are a lot more I'm sure, however, luckily I'm not an 'Africa Magic' fan like my mum. She never believes when I tell her that channel is bound to reduce one's I.Q by the second. She goes 'ignore the mistakes, and learn the lessons'. I honestly try, but that's the problem. In the midst of the trying to ignore the mistakes, I lose track of the lessons. Now, back to the true reason for this post.

He used to be hot! A good enough example of tall, dark and handsome. He did a stint in the chubby zone, right around the time he got married, then must have figured it was not the way to go. He could act, at least relatively well, judging by nollywood standards. All in all, We loved him. Erm. . . I take it you noticed the loved, no errors.

Yes, we're probably thinking the same thing. "And d winner is (an action movie soundtrack playing in the background), Desmond Elliot!!! " Did anyone hear that Alaba soundin, gospel song he released a couple of months back? And with a video too! To say that I was flabbergasted at first viewing, would be an understatement. How can he? How dare he? Why? How much money could he have made off that 'show of shameful desperation'?
It still manages to render me Speechless, hence, I will have to take the Jim Iyke issue up some other day.

So, let's do this twitter style, #okbye.

Kill him already, will U?

We Loved Chris Brown! I still do, what changed for you? And don't even give me that rehearsed lecture on abuse, I know all you've got to say, and a lot more of my own to add. I mean, we have all had this discussion at some point.
I'm just wondering how well you'll fare, if you had your every activity microscoped? Your cupboard of skeletons don't look good to me. So, I'm thinking, what gives you the impression that you're in a position to judge Chris. I'm not saying his actions were justified, I'm just saying, that he doesn't need to spend the rest of his life paying for something that he has apologized about. If the almighty was so judgemental of us, I doubt that I'll be here writing this, or you even reading this.
So, this is to those who think CB hasn't more than paid for his mistakes. I think you are hypocrites who need to get over yourselves. He's apologized over and over again, and he deserves to be forgiven. We all do things that are less than acceptable, sometimes horrible even and because we don't get it all publicized doesn't make us any better than him. Our need to constantly judge our talent by standards above human, is what made us forget what a huge talent Micheal was and still is even in death. Shameful waste, his last years, years we should have savoured. Let's not have CB dead before we realise we are wasting such a huge talent due to our hypocrisy. He's fantastic, and deserves another chance.
And yes, I'm talking to you, YOU, whomever you are! "He that is without sin should cast the first stone."

We watch the Rape!

Right, Perfect. This just has to be the first thought in my head, on what should have been a perfect morning. I mean, couldn't I have at least had a nice, long cold shower, big English breakfast and maybe done some productive work. But no, I had to wake up, feeling the activist.
On second thoughts, maybe that's just me waking up broke, I doubt I would be, if I were making almost 30million naira quarterly. Like really, what does anyone do to earn such an allowances? They didn't even have the decency to give them better names!
Basic Salary - N2, 484, 245.50.
Hardship Allowance  @ 50% of Basic Salary - N1, 242, 122.70 (what stupid hardship?, I have a sneaky feeling, that quite a number of Nigerians would like to show them true hardship)
Consistuency allowance @ 200% of BS  -  N4, 968, 509.00
Furniture Allowance @ 300% of BS - N7, 452, 736.50
Newspaper allowance @  50% - N1, 242, 122.70 ( And how many of them can read, really).
Wardrobe allowance @ 25%  - N621, 061.37
Recess Allowance@ 10%: - N248, 424.55
Accommodation @ 200%  - N4, 968, 509.00.
Utilities @ 30%  - N828, 081.83.
Domestic Staff @ 35%  - N863, 184.12.
Entertainment @ 30% - N828, 081.83.
Personal Assistance @ 25%  - N621, 061.37.
Vehicle Maintenance Allowance @ 75%  - N1, 863, 184.12.
Leave Allowance @10% - N248, 424.55.
One off payments (As advised by SagamiteSeverance gratuit)y @ 300%  -N7, 452, 736.50(Once they get fired, like they deserve anymore.)
Motor Vehicle Allowance @ 400% of BS - N9, 936, 982.00  - Every Four Years
And I'm thinking, how many newspapers does a Senator have to read, to warrant N1, 242, 122.70. I mean, if I read 10papers everyday, for 1 year, it would come to about N730,000.00.
Does somebody out there know how much the president of the United States earns? $400,000 per annum, I hear. The President of God's own Country. Our very own senators take home about N27.2million per quarter, and are desperately looking to turn that figure to N42million per quarter.
So, it's no wonder I'm waking up in such a foul mood, and it just got worse, because, I just remembered something else. The Independence Day budget! The Rape Budget! Oh no, don't even get me started on that one, please spare me the agony and find out all on your own.

The new god Medium

It's the blackberry, and those annoying broadcasts that are fast becoming a fad. Like really, does anyone believe that I need to send out a broadcast of someone's obvious idleness, to create a special pathway for God to bless me?
I don't know if it works for others, but, definitely not me, the whole blackmail syndrome that reeks off those messages. And the most irritating ones are those that put up a threat( about something bad happening). Now don't even get me started on those ones that now decide to pick on a loved one( Susan read this message and didn't forward it, her mum died a day after). 'Well nutter, I ain't forwarding no messages, and yo can touch ma mama'.
So, I thought I'd just save you the trouble of including me in your broadcasts, by informing you, that;
Before I had my blackberry, I didn't need to forward messages to people before God blessed me or before God knew that I loved Him or before something special happened to me. Forwarding messages to 20 people is NOT a criteria for God to bless me. So, won't you save me the trouble of unlocking my keypad, scrolling to my messenger application, only to read a message asking me to pass it on so that God would bless me in 5mins. Maybe yours, but, my own God is NOT a magician. Yea, so, thanks for co-operating. And God bless you too!

The Grand Entrance!

I suppose this is ma version of the grand entrance. Yea, here I am walkin down the red carpet, with ma very victorian black gown, ma eye mask, showin well-highlighted evil eyes, black leather gloves,red leather pumps with the most unreasonable heels, and a luxurious mane of every woman's crowning glory. Hmmm, I agree, I do know how to make an entrance. Infact, I love to make an entrance, the adrenaline rush is amazing.
I know this entrance is supposed to mark the beginning of flirty whispers,bla bla bla, If u truly believe this, you expect too much of me. I must warn you,this would probably be more of the ranting of a mad woman, bear with me. I have gone through the trouble to create this site, humour me and read.