I am a young woman, writing in reflection of a relationship that while, some might say should never have been, as helped me re-define my expectations. I am not one often prone to regret, as I believe it is a waste of time and energy; for every situation, there is a lesson worth learning. The first of two kids from a comfortable family, while we are not swimming in cash, my parents do right by us in every way. I am however eternally grateful for making a strong, confident and fiercely Independent woman out of me. I am away from home, in a bid to better myself and my career, it does weigh on a person to be out of your comfort zone. So, when I met Mr W whom I knew from Lagos, it was quite a convenient alliance.
He was supposedly single, seemed like a nice guy with potential, and seemed to want a relationship. As regards religion, he was a bit confused along with many kids from inter-religious marriages, but he seemed swingable to my side, a plus. Soon enough, he literally moved into my place, and I began my career as the 'Ekaette' girlfriend. I washed, cleaned, cooked and did girlfriend duties. Unfortunately, my Mister seemed to have forgotten all his boyfriend duties and it was up to me to pick them up as well. I was investing tremendously into this relationship; physically, emotionally and financially.
Issues:
He was spoilt, spent carelessly and really lazy. I was working to pay the bills, while my dear boyfriend was busy sitting at home watching movies day-in-day-out. He got a very healthy allowance from home that was finished before it even arrived. Ofcourse, he must keep up appearances, everything he owned was branded 'luxury' or at least 'premium-priced'. I was soon having to bail him out financially in the things of true importance, while he splurged on himself. It was quite apparent that priorities were misplaced. Then came the insecurities and paranoia, for every good thing I achieved, he had a dampner. He would also go through my phones, ma BB messages,Facebook, WhatsApp etc and even mailing my chats to himself. He was soon driving us both crazy.
The end of Us:
The last straw was telling me that I was not doing anything that any girl could not do. While I might have been foolish enough to spend 6 months of my life with him, I still was smart enough to refuse to allow my efforts to be so undermined. I was done taking shit, and as far as I am concerned, he was not worthy of my devotion. It is important to note at this point, that I am not trying to paint myself blameless in all these. I have my flaws, and I work at them daily, but, I was faithful and I gave it my best shot. Eventually, I did realise some home truths;
1. Don't give too little of yourself, that you're unremarkable, but never too much of yourself that you're taken for granted. Giving too much of yourself doesn't mean things would work out. It only means you begin to lose yourself and forget your true worth. And if the relationship ends, you are left with nothing but that self you betrayed.
2. If you ignore the people you love and love you back, i.e friends and family, for a relationship, they are the same people you run back to when there is trouble. Its best to keep these relationships well maintained.
3. Potential without ambition is equal to Zilch. . . Nothing. . . Nada. So, when you decide to be with a person who has nothing but potential to offer you, make sure he/she is packing a very healthy dose of ambition and drive to back it up.
4. If you can't live with it, don't even take it in a relationship. If you can't keep it up for the rest of your life, don't start it in a relationship. Expectations are heightened in relationships, only to get a shadow of the bargain in marriage.
5. Don't stay in it longer than you should, infact, better 6months than 1year. Why take a year to end something that could have been ended 6months earlier. Time wasted, to start a process you're still going to go through anyway.
6. Contentment; be happy with what you have at the moment and live within those means, while you strive towards becoming what you want. Our generation is filled with discontent and greed, and there is too much value placed on material things. Material things can't define us, only 'You' can define yourself.
7. If he/she is double checking your every move, they're either not busy enough, or think very little of you. I strongly believe that it is insulting to police someone like that. What do u take me for? I could be anywhere else, but I chose to be with you, so, 'Suck it up!'
8. Don't allow anyone emasculate you. You are good enough to do anything you want to do and no one as a right to tell you otherwise. If they thought so little of you and your abilities, why are they even with you?
9. Enjoy and place great value on your life, time and the people who truly matter. There really is nothing wrong with being single, infact, it can be a very enjoyable state. Do things that make you happy, grow yourself; examine your flaws and try to make yourself a better person, invest in yourself and your future, read, learn and live.
Note: This article is in no way a bid to belittle the beauty of a 'good' relationship, it is only a reminder that a fulfilling singledom is quite achievable. This way, you appreciate that person who actually adds value to your quality of life. After all said and done, I came to the conclusion, that our environment; parents and society have contributed to making us needy and prone to being in relationships just for the sake of it. However, this is already a long spread, and as such, I will save this discussion for later.
He was supposedly single, seemed like a nice guy with potential, and seemed to want a relationship. As regards religion, he was a bit confused along with many kids from inter-religious marriages, but he seemed swingable to my side, a plus. Soon enough, he literally moved into my place, and I began my career as the 'Ekaette' girlfriend. I washed, cleaned, cooked and did girlfriend duties. Unfortunately, my Mister seemed to have forgotten all his boyfriend duties and it was up to me to pick them up as well. I was investing tremendously into this relationship; physically, emotionally and financially.
Issues:
He was spoilt, spent carelessly and really lazy. I was working to pay the bills, while my dear boyfriend was busy sitting at home watching movies day-in-day-out. He got a very healthy allowance from home that was finished before it even arrived. Ofcourse, he must keep up appearances, everything he owned was branded 'luxury' or at least 'premium-priced'. I was soon having to bail him out financially in the things of true importance, while he splurged on himself. It was quite apparent that priorities were misplaced. Then came the insecurities and paranoia, for every good thing I achieved, he had a dampner. He would also go through my phones, ma BB messages,Facebook, WhatsApp etc and even mailing my chats to himself. He was soon driving us both crazy.
The end of Us:
The last straw was telling me that I was not doing anything that any girl could not do. While I might have been foolish enough to spend 6 months of my life with him, I still was smart enough to refuse to allow my efforts to be so undermined. I was done taking shit, and as far as I am concerned, he was not worthy of my devotion. It is important to note at this point, that I am not trying to paint myself blameless in all these. I have my flaws, and I work at them daily, but, I was faithful and I gave it my best shot. Eventually, I did realise some home truths;
1. Don't give too little of yourself, that you're unremarkable, but never too much of yourself that you're taken for granted. Giving too much of yourself doesn't mean things would work out. It only means you begin to lose yourself and forget your true worth. And if the relationship ends, you are left with nothing but that self you betrayed.
2. If you ignore the people you love and love you back, i.e friends and family, for a relationship, they are the same people you run back to when there is trouble. Its best to keep these relationships well maintained.
3. Potential without ambition is equal to Zilch. . . Nothing. . . Nada. So, when you decide to be with a person who has nothing but potential to offer you, make sure he/she is packing a very healthy dose of ambition and drive to back it up.
4. If you can't live with it, don't even take it in a relationship. If you can't keep it up for the rest of your life, don't start it in a relationship. Expectations are heightened in relationships, only to get a shadow of the bargain in marriage.
5. Don't stay in it longer than you should, infact, better 6months than 1year. Why take a year to end something that could have been ended 6months earlier. Time wasted, to start a process you're still going to go through anyway.
6. Contentment; be happy with what you have at the moment and live within those means, while you strive towards becoming what you want. Our generation is filled with discontent and greed, and there is too much value placed on material things. Material things can't define us, only 'You' can define yourself.
7. If he/she is double checking your every move, they're either not busy enough, or think very little of you. I strongly believe that it is insulting to police someone like that. What do u take me for? I could be anywhere else, but I chose to be with you, so, 'Suck it up!'
8. Don't allow anyone emasculate you. You are good enough to do anything you want to do and no one as a right to tell you otherwise. If they thought so little of you and your abilities, why are they even with you?
9. Enjoy and place great value on your life, time and the people who truly matter. There really is nothing wrong with being single, infact, it can be a very enjoyable state. Do things that make you happy, grow yourself; examine your flaws and try to make yourself a better person, invest in yourself and your future, read, learn and live.
Note: This article is in no way a bid to belittle the beauty of a 'good' relationship, it is only a reminder that a fulfilling singledom is quite achievable. This way, you appreciate that person who actually adds value to your quality of life. After all said and done, I came to the conclusion, that our environment; parents and society have contributed to making us needy and prone to being in relationships just for the sake of it. However, this is already a long spread, and as such, I will save this discussion for later.
